That icky feeling in your gut. The gnawing sensation. The aching. The fear of what will happen next time. The avoidance. The gossip. Sometimes, the tears.
In the last few weeks I’ve found myself in several conversations with friends who are struggling with friends. I was on the phone listening to one of my beloved friends cry through her frustration. I sat at my kitchen table talking to another friend about her hurt and resentment.
These amazing women are bright, compassionate, big-hearted adults… whose feelings were hurt by one of their bright, compassionate, big-hearted friends.
This week I’m talking about how to resolve the inevitable conflicts that come up with our friends. Watch for some quick, “naked” communication tips on how to resolve a conflict with a friend.
This whole “being human” thing can get really messy when we open ourselves up to relationships, to love, to connection.
But no one I’ve ever known would want it any other way. The messy, the hurt, and the risk are far outweighed by the potential for laughter, passion, and love.
It happens to all of us. Someone says something and it rubs us the wrong way or straight up hurts our feelings.
We get stumped with how to respond. We wonder if it’s worth it to talk about it or if we should just let it go. We don’t want to cause drama or appear needy.
But, we can’t really let it go. It nags at us and makes us feel sad or pissed.
One of my roles in life is to support people in courageously creating the relationships that they want. I certainly don’t know it all, and I stumble in my relationships too, but I love contributing to the conversation around courage, compassion, and connection.
If by teaching people how to use more “naked” communication to create their own version of a badass and brilliant life helps to spread compassion and build connection, then I’m all in!
Here are the main points to recap:
- Decide that you’re going to have the courageous, messy, or uncomfortable conversation because you’re friendship is worth it
- Use your “naked” skills to be super clear, clean, compassionate, and courageous with the MAIN goal to restore connection and love (NOT to be right or prove your point)
- Come from love when you approach the conversation (anger, defensiveness, or righteousness won’t work)
- Be open to hearing their interpretations or points-of-view (let go of your fixation on being right about how the conflict went down)
Here’s the thing. Your personal happiness (and professional success) are directly related to the quality of your relationships. Your relationships are what will matter most to you when your old in your rocking chair, reflecting on the meaning of life. For real. Relationships are the bottom line.